These
quiet scenes came in the aftermath of catty exchanges that erupted
from within the camp during the small hours of Sunday. The
altercation is thought to have resulted from an internal rift that
has developed between the predominantly left-wing, rag-tag,
pro-GamerGate guerilla forces of the KIA and their better-armed
conservative allies, commanded by the platinum-blonde man of letters
and amateur penis enthusiast, Milo Yiannopoulos.
An
eye witness who watched the skirmish from a nearby molehill, which
had been illustratively bulldozed to form a small mountain, said:
“This
was not the normal rampant sexual tension that one sees when people
from vastly different political persuasions argue at full tilt, and
which is usually resolved by all parties feverishly grinding their
exposed genitals against each other in a cathartic last-ditch attempt to
sexually unify the disparate ideals of the left and the right.
“I
can say with outright certainty that last night nobody fucked and
everyone walked away from the encounter feeling kind of shitty.”
The
mood among GamerGaters this morning has been described by one insider
as “downbeat and philosophical.”
“War
draws together strange bedfellows,” said Michael Prior – a
battle-hardened lieutenant in the 9th Brony Cavalry. “When
one is figuratively clothed in the Doritos-stained ermine robes of a
Shit Lord it is easy to forget that Milo is actually Grand Marquis of
the Home Counties, and that there is a mural in the nave of
Westminster Abbey commemorating the occasion when his ancestors drove
the poor out of Buckinghamshire.”
GamerGater,
Alexander Marks, is one of many in the movement who has struggled to
reconcile his left wing politics with the right wing ideals
represented by Yiannopoulos.
“I
was well aware that Milo wrote for Breitbart – an online outlet for
right wing rhetoric, and that, in their conservative utopia, the best
that someone like me could hope for would be the life of an
indentured servant tasked with ironing the trousers of one of my
social betters. To reconcile this alliance with my liberal leanings I
convinced myself that Breitbart was the name of a charity that took
children with learning disabilities on day trips to the seaside in
gaily coloured mini-buses.”
Meanwhile
it has been business as usual in the Yiannopoulos camp. Graham Rutter
who runs the popular blog - Milowatch - told MODE 5:
“Last
night Milo declared himself emperor of Old Brompton and later
demanded that someone feed him olives and champagne cocktails while
he reclined on a chaise longue.
Since he generally issues decrees of this nature several times daily,
one should not read too much into these comments.
“He
later tweeted an image of his evening meal – some kind of a game
bird that had previously been shot by a man dressed in a tweed
jacket, before being allowed to hang for several weeks in the pantry
of a country mansion that had once belonged to King Henry VIII.”
The
image drew outrage from some within GamerGate:
“I
had tinned spaghetti on toast for my tea and, having seen the opulent
banquet laid out before Milo, ended up spilling most of it,” said
mother of two, Sally Martin.
Twitter
user, ScrappyDoo_H8_fuc, took advantage of a software failure on the
social media platform, that allowed users to make posts in excess of
the usual 180 characters, to issue the following rant:
“The
24 carat gold shotgun pellets used to bring down the phoenix that
Milo had liberally doused in brandy and flambéed,
before eating the resurrected phoenix that emerged from the ashes,
cost more than the PC rig that I am currently using to run Metal
Gear Solid V:
The Phantom Pain,
and only slightly less than the total sum that I have spent thus far on
Pokémon
figurines in the 2015/2016 financial year. I
now realise that this man, who I once fought alongside against the
forces of social justice, is a monster and must be stopped at all
costs.”
While
anti-GamerGate forces have interpreted the strain in the KIA /
Yiannopoulos alliance as a sign that the movement is on the verge of
collapse, many commentators see this as a passing blip in an otherwise
solid relationship.
Malcolm
Peepholes – a former ROFLcopter pilot in the chan wars who MODE 5 regularly consults on military matters – vigorously stirred his tea
until the contents of the mug resembled a metaphorical storm, before observing:
“I
predict that this will all blow over very quickly. By the end of the
week everybody will friends again and we can all get down to the
important business of reading the archives of Sarah Nyberg's creepy
chat-logs through spread fingers.”
Well said.
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