The league, which is
compiled using online data, groups individual Mario Kart players by
city to create a global ranking system. Birmingham, which had
previously languished at around the 2000 mark, had at the time of
writing risen to 9th in the league, placing it just behind
the French town of Rouen, whose medieval streets were the inspiration
for the Mario Kart track - Rainbow Road.
“The Gamergaters are
well-known for their prowess in Mario Kart. Their arrival has really
nudged the average in our favour and has raised the possibility of
Birmingham representing the United Kingdom at the World Mario Kart
Championships next April,” said delighted Mayor, Clare Kilby.
Prior to the arrival of
Gamergate warnings had been issued by social justice groups that the
movement's presence in Birmingham would engulf the city in a cloud of
misogyny so toxic that it would be visible to the naked eye as it
attempted to creep down the cleavages of local women. Writing
in The Guardian, Liz Spencer had warned of thickets of erect penises rising like
smokestacks from the landscape, while blogger Karen Cresswell had
predicted that women working in STEM fields or in videogame development would flee the city
like terrified animals who had sensed the imminent eruption of a
volcano.
With the Gamergate
celebrations now in full swing eye-witnesses have reported an
amiable, good-natured and diverse crowd of individuals.
Birmingham officials are
now hoping that some of the Gamergaters will stay and put down roots
in the city in a proposed Mario District to be constructed around a
community centre that will be christened Bowser's Castle.
“We plan to plant
mushroom beds, encourage wild turtles to move into the area and build affordable housing on platforms that will only be accessible by
well-timed jumps,” said a spokesperson for the city council.
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