A TV scriptwriter, who has
been described behind his back as “Doctor Who's embarrassing
bigoted uncle” has taken to Twitter in an attempt to save women
from harassing themselves online.
Gerald Lardon, whose
previous screen-writing credits include House full of Catholics
and There are nerds living in the basement where I work, said:
“Gamergate is, by my own definition, a misogynist hate movement.
Therefore any woman who claims to be a supporter of Gamergate is also
a misogynist and fully committed to driving herself off twitter with
a sustained campaign of harassment and death threats.”
Changing tack slightly,
Lardon continued:
“I have just this moment
confirmed with myself that 100% of the women in Gamergate are
actually men with very small penises, who have mistaken themselves
for women. That is why they are angry all the time.
“Because they aren't
proper women I am allowed to talk down to them and call them idiots
if they disagree with me.”
Reverting to his original
premise, Lardon added:
“I call upon all women
in Gamergate to embrace the feminine virtues of temperance and
modesty of opinion, and to end their pathological self abuse.”
Gamergate supporter,
Margaret Lapper - a time travelling suffragette who commutes to
contemporary London from the year 1912 on stream-powered
penny-farthing – said:
“Mr Lardon accosted me
in the street outside St Pancras railway station in a blur of tweed,
leather elbow patches and pipe smoke. He was extremely belligerent
and demanded several times that I stop harassing myself. At the same
time he attempted to force a placard into my hands that read: 'Down
with women.'
“Fortunately I was able
to take refuge in the British Library. The myriad points of view
represented in the library's collection of over 14 million volumes
are overwhelming for a man of Mr Lardon's dogmatic leanings, and he
cannot enter without his head spontaneously combusting.”
Lardon is one of many
celebrities to identify Gamergate as the earthly embodiment of pure
evil.
Among the movement's chief
critics is the screenwriter and director Julian Weary, whose new
movie - Umberto the Robot Turns 14 – charts a young robot's development from childhood to puberty, and was
painstakingly filmed over
12 years.
In a lengthy statement on
Twitter, that took full advantage of the bonus characters accrued by
his confirmed celebrity status, Weary said:
“Gamergate claims to be
about ethics in games journalism. In fact it is a vile consortium of
terrorist organisations, rogue dictatorships and hate groups, who
have joined forces with the shared goal of driving women out of the
video gaming industry. This includes organisations such the KKK,
ISIS, and the Hitler Youth.”
Weary's statement has
surprised many fans of his work. Kenyan law student, Kito Owiti,
said:
“As someone who has
openly supported Gamergate on the understanding that it is about
raising ethical standards in games journalism, I was surprised to
learn from Julian Weary that all this time I have in fact been a
participating member of the KKK – a white supremacist group with a
long history of racially-motivated violence. To protect myself from
my own toxic racism I have, as a precautionary measure, reported
myself to the police and will be seeking a restraining order against
myself at the earliest opportunity."
Back in the UK, the battle
to silence Gamergate has been taken up by Chesterfield Bloke – A
social commentator whose 'angry man attempts to induce an early
coronary by shouting at his TV' schtick has inspired copycat shows in
which members of the public are filmed shouting at their TVs.
Bloke said:
“When I was young I would spend hours cultivating a set of values based on opinions that I
formed by carefully weighing up the available evidence. I used the knowledge I
acquired to launch insightful satirical attacks on privileged
targets, which I punctuated by gurning at the camera and blowing
raspberries.
“Thankfully I can now
afford to outsource this tiresome business to a consultancy firm and
purchase a set of values more in keeping with the ones held by the
people who finance my various TV projects. This includes my ongoing
series of highbrow finger-wagging morality tales, which I write by
removing the animals from Aesop's Fables and replacing them with
Apple computer products and human actors.
Bloke continued:
“I have painted all the
mirrors in my home black as I can no longer bear to look myself in
the eye.”
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